Conflict ! Conflict exists where people think it exists, whether or not there are opposing issues. During stressful times, healthy families tend to work as a team because of their high level of loyalty to the family unit. They trust the skills and motives of other family members to resolve the conflict in a mutually satisfying manner. How to resolve conflict: Define the problem. It's easy to know that something is wrong, but quite another to name and confront the problem. Express it explicitly and as soon as you realize there's a problem. Don't shelve your anger or resentments because eventually you will explode long after you could have done something about the initial problem. There usually are multiple issues at play and each needs to be dealt with separately. Each person needs to state his or her position. This means telling the other person how you feel about the issues as you enter the conflict. Before stating your position, think it through, formulate your ideas and be able to articulate clearly how you feel. The better you can describe your side of the conflict, the better the chance is that you will be understood. Identify underlying concerns or interests. Instead of looking at the issue as my way or your way, examine each position, seeking to understand the other's position. This may require openness, humility, and even apology as you discover how the other person sees the event. Practice active listening skills. Good communication involves talking and listening. Speak only for yourself, saying what you mean and meaning what you say. Say, I feel angry when you come home late because I think you don't care, instead of, you never do what I tell you to do. Listen for what the other person really means, especially if he or she is not articulating his or her feelings. Don't be planning your rebuttal statement Create possible solutions. When you genuinely listen to the concerns of another, and state your own position accurately, you will be surprised to discover that you often share the same concern. Look at all possible solutions, from the silly to the profound. Select mutually satisfying solutions. If each person can be satisfied with the proposed solution, there will be a higher degree of success. Commit to the solution. Decide to resolve the conflict so that you and the other person can begin to restore your relationship and change behaviours that can lead to recurring issues of conflict.   For more information contact : wecare@flrc.co.za or call +27 21 859 5308 / Cell: 082 610 6022